


Leaf Fires Suck though?

by Faceworthy



Series: COVID-19 Writing Challenge [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Asexual aromantic character, Asexual/Aromantic, F/F, F/M, Gen, Grayromantic Character, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Humor, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, M/M, Multi, Naruto is low key Dead, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Other, Self-Insert, Would you not be, but later, gay is okay, if your only options, more or less, or DATE a paedophile?, were to BE the pedophile
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23679049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faceworthy/pseuds/Faceworthy
Summary: Having been hit by a truck or something, the renamed Aiyu Teien lives on in the Narutoverse.Aiyu - who entered the world at two years old the when the Kyuubi was attacking the Village, knows 2 things:1. She is the Jinchuuriki no Kyuubi, but due to the timely intervention of the Sage himself, she does not have a Seal andKurama is able to take over her body at will. He uses this ability to eat barbecue, nap and smoke cigarettes.2. She's probably going to have to do something about Akatsuki. Don't quote her on that though.
Series: COVID-19 Writing Challenge [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704820
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	1. Aiyu Teien and her Team

**Author's Note:**

> We're playing fast and loose with the subject matter. I don't know whether this will get like... real or stay lighthearted but be emotionally prepared for both.
> 
> Also, I'm going to switch pretty smoothly between English and Japanese and I trust that you know what I'm talking about when I do that (like 'the Leaf' to 'Konoha') and I'm going to include the suffixes at my own discretion.

Aiyu graduated as a middle of the road level skilled young lady, and was therefore placed on a team with two others of her approximate skill level:

• Ito Nobu, 12 years old and the youngest son of two chuunin. He wanted to specialise in Ninjutsu.  
• Nakamura Sadao, 12 years old and the only child of a jounin and a civilian. He wanted to become a jounin like his mother.

Aiyu Teien was 12 years old, an orphan of the Kyuubi attack. She had no particular ambitions but excelled at hand to hand combat.  
She was also actually 35, because she got hit by a truck or something at the age of 25 as an Australian woman. She’d come to in an orphanage a few months after the attack with two things known to her. 1) she was in the world of Naruto, and 2) she was the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki.

She was also fairly sure that the real Naruto was dead and she had somehow taken his place.

But she’d had 10 years to come to terms with that. So as they waited for their new Jounin sensei to show up and pick them up.

Nobu and Sadao had been friends for a few years, their parents having been on regular missions together, so they were chatting away next to each other. Aiyu sat next to Sadao and kept an ear on their conversations. The class was down by half as the Jounin came and went, taking teams of 3 with them. Tenten had disappeared with a very green and muscled man who had shouted some weird and loud opinions about youth.

Seeing one of her few friends be dragged away by that was made easier by watching Hyuuga Neji being dragged away as well.

The uptight bastard could use a little bit of weirdness in his life and who better to do so that his Jounin sensei?

The class was gone. Mizuki sensei had removed himself from the room and was hanging around in the staff room while his remaining 3 students waited. The three of them had migrated down from the stadium style seats to Mizuki’s desk to play some card games. Aiyu had to explain how to play poker a great many times but they eventually got it well enough by the 14th hand that she didn’t really need to help them so much.  
But they bothered to asked for her advice on particular hands every few rounds, just in case they were making a mistake and didn’t notice it. It was endearing as hell.  
She also won more than she lost.  
For some reason.

It was about 4 hours past Mizuki removing himself from the room when their teacher finally showed up. He was a tall and lanky bastard with a mop of grey hair and sported a mask over the bottom half of his face.  
Huh.

“Ah,” Aiyu said, staring into his black eye and hoping like hell she came across as unimpressed. “A suspicious person.”


	2. Bell Test pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bell test!

Hatake Kakashi presented them with the bell test and was so completely uninterested in them that Aiyu was feeling a little put upon.  
Was it her fault that he didn’t want to be a teacher?  
Was she the reason that he’d been made to test them?  
Was it Aiyu’s problem, in any way shape or form that he absolutely refused to take them seriously? Well, yes to that last but it wasn’t supposed to be.

Aiyu dodged two shuriken and deflected a third with her wakizashi. She hadn’t meant to run across him but he had come across her and was actively trying to do her harm. And of course neither Sadao or Nobu were stepping in to help.

“You have some skill with that sword,” Kakashi said. “But still not good enough to take me on.”

“If that's the case, mind taking pity and just handing me one of those bells?” Aiyu asked.

Kakashi smiled. “Nope.”

Aiyu replied with an, “Ugh,” and lunged sword first. He stepped to the left of her stab, blocked the next swing with his knuckle guards and then he ducked under another swing to swipe kick at her feet. Aiyu launched herself up and away from him, the kunai+explosive tag duo digging into the ground at his feet. She saw the moment he swapped himself with a log and decided to retreat for a moment.  
She knew how this was supposed to go, and what had to be done in order to pass the test and become a Genin for real.  
It was less clear what happened if they – or more specifically she – failed the bell test. It had never been explicitly stated what had happened to those other kids that had failed. She kind of never wanted to find out.

Aiyu ran across the tree-tops, trying to be stealthy but also trying to grab the attention of her quote unquote "teammates". She needed to find them. So it was lucky that she paused on a branch long enough to hear the furious whispers of an argument directly below.

She dropped down, surprising a shout from them both before she pressed hand over their mouths. “We’re not getting the bells from him without team work,” Aiyu said. “And I think that both of you should get the bells, rather than me and I will help you do that.”

They stared at her over her hands, glanced at each other then nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are going to be very short chapters...
> 
> Published 16 April 2020 at 4pm Australian East Coast Time.


	3. Bell Test pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bell Test but the rest of it this time!

Nobu and Aiyu took Kakashi on head first. With her short sword and his excellent shuriken skills, they managed to keep him just on his toes enough.

“So you two have joined together?” Kakashi asked. “Seems a little mean to little Sadao but I guess you haven’t really got the choice.” Aiya lunged and swung up trying to cut the bells from his belt but he jumped back at the last moment to land a few dozen feet away.

Nobu and Aiya groaned, took a moment to stretch out their limbs and then ran. They went in from the sides, both of them honed in on their opponent and very much not thinking of Sadao. That would end poorly for them all. Well, maybe not Kakashi. Nobu dove at Kakashi with a cry, kunai at the ready but Kakashi stepped out of the way and shoved Nobu towards Aiyu, who stumbled a moment before using Nobu’s shoulder to launch herself into the air to swing down. Using her right hand to brandish the sword she threw two shuriken at Kakashi, his attention went to her.

She let them loose and threw them wide, both digging into the ground around 5 feet behind and either side of Kakashi. He ignored them.

Nobu rolled and skidded backwards, stopping in time to launch forward, his own kunai ready. He threw two; one in the shadow of the other.

Kakashi braced to block, the sword igniting sparks against his kunai. He deflected her over his own head. She flipped and spat at him, just to keep his attention on her. Not the ground. And not Sadao in the ground.

Not Sadao who had used his one earth jutsu to burrow beneath the fight. Kakashi moved his head so the spit caught in his hair, and was making a disgusted sound just as Nobu got to him.

As focused as Kakashi was on the spit and Nobu, he didn’t see the henge drop on the shuriken, revealing two kunai with smoke bomb tags. Aiyu hid her face in the sleeve of her haori as they exploded, filling the whole clearing with smoke. Aiya heard the rumble of earth being forced aside, just below the sounds of the blast.

As the clearing became clear again, she could see Nobu and Sadao holding the bells, about 20 feet apart from each other. To the far left she saw Kakashi staring at them with confusion.

Seconds to midday, she watched as Nobu and Sadao both, completely separate from each other, wind up and throw their bells at her. She caught them easily enough. Stared at them. And then screamed before throwing them back.

They hit the ground between them all the moment the alarm clock went off.

“ _ **Why did you throw them back idiot!?**_ ” Sadao screamed, darting over to shake her by the collar of her haori.

Nobu shoved Sadao out of the way and took her collar into his hand dragging her down a few inches to scarily growl into her face, “ **You trying to sabotage us?** ”

Aiya shook her head and tried desperately not to laugh; they were both armed after all. “I panicked!” she exclaimed. “You both just threw them at me!”

Sadao remembered this and grabbed Nobu to scream into his face, “ _Why did you throw yours for?_ ”

“I thought that she should pass! And what about you eh? You threw yours away as well!”

They yelled at each other for while longer. Long enough that Kakashi had picked up the bells from the ground and was walking over to them. Aiya lightly punched them both to get their attention and the boys fell into a sullen and disappointed line.

Kakashi stared at them before he turned slightly and the four of them walked back to the clock.  
He stood in front of the stone back to them, and said nothing for a while.

“Do you know, that someone who does not follow orders is trash?” He asked at last. It seemed a heavier statement than it had been the first time Aiya had experience those words from him.

“Yes sensei,” they answered. It was something that Iruka had drilled into them. Ninja followed orders. Ninja did as they were told. Ninja did not speak back or ask questions.

“But,” Kakashi continued. “Those that abandon their teammates, their friends, are worse than trash.” He turned to face them. “Do you know what this stone is?” he asked.

Aiyu raised her hand. “Its the Memorial Stone,” she said once he’d nodded. “Ninja who die in the line of battle, whose bodies are not recovered, their names are engraved on this stone.”

He nodded. “They gave their lives for their teams. They chose to give up their lives and ambitions, their hopes and dreams, in order for their team and the village to go on.”

Sadao and Nobu glanced at each other.

“I asked you three to make a hard decision. A decision between your future and the future of your team. Aiya, you agreed to help them when it became obvious to you that you couldn’t do it alone, even if it meant you couldn’t go on. And you two decided to give up your chance to help a teammate who helped you.” He looked back at the stone, eye staring unblinking at a single spot.  
A single name.  
“Congratulations. You have, all three of you, passed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Published 16 April 2020 at 4:15pm Australian East Coast Time.


	4. The Bit that comes after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently passing the bell test was something of a big deal? And why does Aiyu get the feeling she's about to be assassinated for it?

Kakashi walked with them to the Hokage Tower, to report directly to the Hokage on the new team. The closer they got to the tower, the more people openly stared. Chuunin and Jounin would stop walking as they passed and then would whisper to whoever was closest to them. She couldn’t hear what was happening or being said but she assumed it was weird.

Kakashi gave off that vibe.

Iruka and the Hokage, as well as another ninja she didn’t recognize were there, and while the Hokage’s face did not change at all, the other two were unable to hide their shock.

“Team 7 have passed the test by 2 Bells,” Kakashi reported dutifully. “Ito Nobu, Nakamura Sadao and Teien Aiyu are reporting for duty.”

The Hokage stared at Kakashi, eyes just a little on the dead side. “Excellent,” he said. “Iruka, please have them go and take their ID photos and other information for our registry.”

To Aiyu, that sounded an awful lot like a casual kill order, and she looked to Kakashi, who smiled at her, before she followed Iruka and the others out of the room.

“You three passed, huh?” Iruka smiled, and it was genuine, even if it was a little strained around the edges. “That's more than impressive,” he continued. “Hatake is notoriously hard to impress. You three will be his very first Genin team to have passed.”

“Yeah we are! Sadao used an earth release to get beneath him while me and Aiya distracted him and we managed to keep his attention upwards and Aiyu used smoke bombs and then Sadao took the bells and that the end of that story!” Nobu said, clearly lying.

“You _**GOT** the bells!?_” Iruka damn near shouted.

Down the hall there was a small gasp of surprise, but when Aiyu looked no one was there. “Yeah..?” She said. “I mean, like, we definitely removed them from his person before the alarm clock went off,” she clarified.

Iruka looked a little faint. Aiyu was beginning to think that was a slightly bigger deal than previously assumed. But its not like she’d intended for them to actually get the bells, they’d just needed to prove their team working skills.

“I thought we did our pictures already sensei,” Nobu groaned. “Was that not what we did the other day?”

Iruka smiled at them but (to Aiyu at least), it was clear he was fishing for an excuse for the hasty dismissal. “We’ve had an issue with the photographer, he lost a few photo’s and yours,” he gestured to Sadao and Aiyu, “just happened to be among the missing ones. We’ll have to do them again before we can push you into our missions registry.”

This sounded very suspicious, and Aiyu was absolutely prepared to jump out of a window to get away from what she assumed was going to be a knife in the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated 22 April 2020 at 10pm Australian East Coast time :)


	5. A Date with Herself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The audience is introduced to Ishigawa Cuisine, the love of rice and the Kyuubi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Published 6 June 2020 at 11pm Australian Eastern Standard time.

It turned out he really did just need to pretend to take their photos while Kakashi dealt with the weird fallout of their team’s pass.

In the meantime though, food.

Aiyu, in this life and the last, was by no means good with money. She always had enough to eat from the payments she received from the Village as an orphan/academy student but… god she loved katsudon.

In every other form but bacon, pork was vile. She detested it and refused to eat it but for the most special of circumstances, like having it in front of other people who would mock her for being a picky eater.

But katsudon? Divine. Beyond reproach.

And of course who could forget yakitori? Or omurice?

If she thought about it for more than a moment she would remember that she just really liked rice.

So when Nobu and Sadao cheerfully farewelled her to have dinner with their families as celebration, Aiyu had walked herself to Ikagawa Cuisine.

She took a small table, ordered a katsudon and ate alone. Tenten would have passed today too and so would have been having dinner with her dad. It was sweet to imagine him so proud, but it hurt a little too.

_Why the fuck are you so glum?_

‘One day,’ she thought, ‘One fucking day I am not going to be surprised by you speaking to me, but today is not that day.’

Kurama laughed and used her own back muscles to stretch. _You had a big day._ He reflected. _Are we having dinner at Ikagawa again?_

‘I don’t need the judgment today, Kurama,’ she said to him. ‘I’m a real Genin now!’ The woman on a date night with her husband of approximately 20 years looked at her oddly. Aiyu smiled back a little sheepishly. It was hard to keep her side of their chats to the inside of her – their head.

_So whats the plan from here?_ He asked. _How long until Akatsuki comes for us? Or the others?_

‘That may or may not already be in motion,’ she sighed. ‘You’ve already warned them, and there’s not a lot we can do without giving away your location, to both Akatsuki and Konoha.’

Kurama huffed from within her mind and took control of their body for a moment to taste their food for a few bites. It was always … upsetting, when he did so, the lack of a seal on Aiyu meaning he could do so at anytime. And had done a few times before. Mostly to prank the Uchiha. _This might actually taste nice if it wear raw pork, and I’d killed it and it were still squealing._

Aiyu knew Kurama well enough to know he was not even remotely joking. ‘Well put it in the plans for when you can have our own body.’

Kurama retreated back into the space he took up in her mind palace – more like a cosy cottage though – and stretched our her legs beneath the table before giving up control. _I’ll leave you to your considerations,_ he said. _Wake me for an emergency, but otherwise keep your problems your own._

‘Good night, Kurama.’

_Hmmf._

**Author's Note:**

> I have no real aims to keep this going for very long, so assume that this may never be 'finished' in the traditional meaning of the word. 
> 
> This Fic is does when I am DONE with it.


End file.
